The L&D ward was extremely busy that night which the nurses blamed on the storm. I was later told that over a twelve hour period, I was the ONLY woman who delivered vaginally. Everyone else ended up having an emergency C-Section. Protocol is that before they admit you, they send in an ultrasound tech for one final look at your baby when he/she is on the inside. This tech was terrible. She kept scolding me for moving during each contraction. Seriously lady. Can YOU stay still while you're being ripped apart from the inside out? I don't think so. Clearly, she'd never had a baby before. All the sudden her phone went off and she had to run out of the room, while only half way through my sonogram. She never did return to finish. Probably for the best.. .for her. She left the door open and we saw a herd of doctors and nurses sprinting down the hallway. As if I wasn't already freaked out enough. That only heightened my anxiety. I asked the nurse who came in right after the commotion for a Xanax IV drip. She politely declined and offered me a cup of ice chips instead. I have officially reached the stage in my labor where I hate everyone, and we are only 15 hours in.
The ice chip nurse tells me it will be at least an hour before I am moved into the room where I would be delivering. ONE HOUR. She must have a death wish. I don't have a choice so we wait, contraction after intensifying contraction. We have zero cell service in Triage so Joel steps out to call our respective Mothers and update them on the status of my vagina. He felt it was fitting to actually leave the hospital and go outside to vape while making the phone calls. He must also have a death wish. He and ice chip nurse should have started a club. Approximately nine contractions worth of time later, they finally wheel me into my own room. It is now after 6:30pm and I've been here since 4:45pm and still haven't gotten my damn epidural. These people are straight up ignoring my birth plan and I'm not OK with that.
Other than the great vaping incident of August 3, 2017, Joel was flat out amazing. He advocated for me, he calmed me down and he supported me, emotionally and physically. He hid how scared he was from me like a real life Neal Caffrey. He was my rock. I am so glad that my Mom, Sister and Father followed us to the hospital, not just to support me, but also to be there to support Joel. He needed it almost as much as I did.
I rolled my whale sized self onto the bed, get hooked up to the fetal monitor and contraction monitor which are attached to the rubber band like, uncomfortable belly belts. I'm relieved she still has a heartbeat. And of course, the contraction monitor says I'm still in labor. My nurse who will be with me until morning introduces herself and attempts to reinsert my IV that the crappy ice chip nurse screwed up. She tried my hand and my vein blew. Typical. Nothing medical has ever been easy for me. I've always been a hard stick. Usually it takes 3-4 tries but she gets it in two. I love her. I'd love her more if she could also start my epidural. I beg her to call the anesthesiologist and have Joel reiterate my birth plan to her as I can't talk because I'm having the worst contraction of my life, or so I thought. She obliged without question. She leaves the room for a moment and returns and tells me the anesthesiologist is in the OR, probably helping out with the emergency that happened while I was still in Triage. She tells me it could be a while. My thoughts: why is there only ONE anesthesiologist on this floor? Are women delivering at this particular hospital supposed to go into labor ONE at a time? Did I miss the sign up sheet for that? This is ALL Joel's fault.
Tears pouring down my face, I beg her to help me and offer me some sort of pain relief. I'm terrified I'm going to end up delivering this child without any drugs. I'm terrified something will go wrong just like every other time I've gone through anything medical. She says she can give me narcotics to "take the edge off for a about two hours". SOLD. Give me the juice. If that's my only option I'll take it! After asking if its safe for the baby she proceeds. Ahhh Fentanyl. She injects that magic juice into my IV, I feel the warmth of the drugs flow up my arm and down my body. For the first time in 15 hours I feel relaxed. Shitfaced yes, but more importantly, relaxed. Some of you "Crunchy Moms" are probably ripping your eyes out reading that I opted for narcotic pain relief during labor but, whatever. My body, my baby, my choice. You don't have to read this if its going to make you throw up your lunch of cooked-in-coconut-oil quinoa and kale chips into a cloth diaper. The doctor said it was OK to give narcotics as long as it will wear off before the transition stage of labor. And guess what? He is a doctor so I believe him.
I wouldn't necessarily say they were following my birth plan, but my amazing nurse was sure as shit giving it all she had. I take a nap, or pass out, I'm not sure. It lasts about an hour. I'm woken up by a contraction that takes my breath away.
"Where the F&CK is my epidural!" I yell.
Crickets.....
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