So much goes on outside the delivery room bubble I'm living in. Parents fighting in the waiting room. My family eating food in secret. At one point my Mom went home to let out my dogs and Tripp, my oldest pup, ran away. Thankfully she got him back. All of which I had no clue about. I guess the less I knew about all that the better. So we just wait. All night and into the early morning. Joel naps on and off, I try to but its basically impossible with the constant checking of my vajayjay and having to reposition every hour. I'm in for the fight of my life and the damn nurses won't let me rest up to prepare for it. I'm convinced this is going to kill me. Around 7am or so the nurse checks me again. I'm at 7cm. She tells me we need to speed things up, again. I thought that is what the Pitocin was for, but she has another idea.
Enter the Peanut. It is a peanut shaped birthing ball. The nurse tells me to roll over onto my left side. HA. She's funny. I am literally paralyzed from the waist down. I cannot move. I need help. Enter Mom and Joel. Mom gets on my left side near my head, Joel is on my left at my feet, and the nurse is behind me. I do my best to help them out, and we manage to roll my beached whale sized self onto my side. With my ass hanging out facing the door to my room for all to see, Joel lifts up my right leg, audibly grunts, and the nurse puts the peanut ball between my legs. The idea of this position with this contraption is to help open up my pelvis. That is probably painful, but the Nazi made my night already with his magic juice.
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| The Peanut Birthing Ball |
So we wait some more. Joel has to literally stay at my feet because I even though I couldn't feel a damn thing, In my mind I felt like I was going to fall off the bed. So he had to stay there and keep my legs on the bed and the peanut in place. He was so patient with me and my irrational fears. Here is where I also need to give a shout out to my Mom. She was a real life Carol Brady MOM during this stage of labor. I was increasingly getting more and more anxious about delivering my baby, starting to panic because the nurse told me it wouldn't be much longer. My Mom stood next to me, wiped away my tears, brushed my hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. Her and Joel both kept telling me how proud me they were of me and how it was almost time to meet our baby girl. They both reassured me everything was going to go smoothly. At that moment I remember feeling SO much love and felt so encouraged by both of them. They made me feel strong when I was feeling so weak and exhausted. I will forever be grateful to them for getting through those last couple hours of labor.
After about an hour of peanut position, all of the sudden I feel like I have to take the biggest shit of my life. The pressure a woman feels when the baby descends is like nothing I can describe. I felt like my hips were being pulled apart with the hooks a butcher uses to carry slabs of meat. Even with the epidural, I feel a ridiculous about of pressure down there, I seriously thought the baby was going to come out of my ass. I can't control the feeling. I panic and yell "I have to push NOW". My Mom and Joel perk up, and panic themselves. My nurse had stepped out of room and was no where to be found.
Simultaneously, Mom and Joel both yell repeatedly "NO, DO NOT PUSH". Joel says "neither of us are equipped to deliver a baby!" My Mom looks at me dead in the eye and in the same voice she used when I'd get in trouble as a kid says "Jennifer Elizabeth, you will not push." Like I have a choice or something. My body is doing whatever it wants at this point and I don't have a damn choice in the matter. Joel yells for the nurse and she pops back in. I am once again rolled onto my back and the nurse checks me. "It's go time, you're at 10cm". I look at my Mom and Joel and say "TOLD YOU." Because I'm mature like that.
I decided that I only wanted Joel in the delivery room. I wanted our daughter to start her life with just her newly appointed Mom and Dad. I wanted my "golden hour" to be just the three of us. So my Mom kissed me on my forehead, told me that I could do this, wished us good luck and left the room. Shit is getting real people. A midwife and a couple other nurses come into my room, shuffle around getting everything ready for the delivery, the midwife puts my concrete legs into the stirrups and we are ready to go. I tell Joel to get a good look at my vajayjay because it will never be the same after all this. I forbid him from looking at my lady parts while I delivered his daughter. I wanted him to remember my vajayjay as it was before and I didn't want him to be scarred for life by seeing what was about to happen down there. I've seen videos. It does not look normal. RIP my vagina.
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| Our very own Peanut |
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